


All I want for Christmas

by softlyspoken



Series: it’s the most wonderful time of the year [2]
Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Affair Feels, Alternate Universe, Angst, Christmas miracle?? Sort of, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:42:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21872392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softlyspoken/pseuds/softlyspoken
Summary: Robert faces a lonely Christmas after asking Aaron to choose between him and his boyfriend
Relationships: Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden
Series: it’s the most wonderful time of the year [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1574866
Comments: 16
Kudos: 115





	All I want for Christmas

  
Robert remembers when he first met Aaron at work. He was laughing with some idiot he didn’t know was Adam, proper folding over about something and then he looked up, caught Robert’s eye and sort of stopped. He was bright red, eyes flickering and then he turned away.

It was just a second, a moment, and then it was gone.

Robert thought it was nothing, and then it was forming a friendship, it was after work drinks and this thing inside him getting harder to ignore.

He remembers when they first kissed, Aaron was drunk, hands gripped at Robert’s jumper as he pushed him against the wall separating the canteen from the main entrance of the office. It felt like everything and then it was nothing at all.

Then it was a mistake, then it was someone called Alex waiting at home for Aaron and it was making everything numb in Robert’s chest.

Now, Aaron’s panting against Robert’s ear and he’s naked, in his bed, covers thrown over them in the middle of winter. It’s snowing outside and Robert stares, hand in Aaron’s hair.

“What you thinking?” Aaron asks. He always does but he always never really wants to know.

Robert’s thinking about how it’s Christmas Day tomorrow and Aaron’s in his bed instead of his own with his boyfriend. He’s thinking about how Victoria knows he’s in love with someone but he can’t show him off.

He can’t introduce him to her and make her think he’s not still going through the motions of bed hopping. He can’t because Aaron’s not his to show off.

He’s someone else’s.

Aaron kisses Robert’s neck, gentle and then with something more as he cups Robert’s face and holds their hands together. Robert stares down until he can’t, he untangles them and Aaron makes this sound like it physically hurt.

“Rob.”

“Won’t he be wondering where you are?” Alex is a good guy. He’s steady and nice and a doctor which means he’s almost universally loved.

“Why mention him?” Aaron whispers, his head dips and sometimes Robert doesn’t understand why there’s got to be such a choice here. Sometimes Aaron speaks about Alex like he _has_ to be with him and it makes Robert feel like he can’t breathe.

“Because he’s your boyfriend.” He was when they first kissed, first fell into bed, first agreed that they couldn’t keep away from each other and arranged hotels and private meetings.

Aaron’s sort of the bad guy in this but it’s hard to see him like that. A few months ago, an anniversary of his mum passing, he needed Aaron and he was with Alex.

It hurt everywhere.

“I’m sorry.” Aaron had said, the next day and in between Robert trying to make himself a coffee at work. He held a hand against Robert’s back, crowded his space and he was everywhere again.

Love, that terrifying one, was on the tip of Robert’s tongue as Aaron placed flowers on Robert’s desk, told them they could go see her together. They did, and Robert, with everything deep inside him, wanted to tell her Aaron was _his_.

He didn’t. 

Aaron chews his lip now. “I know he is.”

“So do I.” Robert says. “So you should be with him.”

“I’m here with you.” Aaron looks up at him and then the wind outside makes the window almost rattle. Robert’s hit by a memory, both of them in Aaron’s bed and the sound of the door being knocked onsuddenly.

Aaron just looked at him, like he was saying he didn’t care, like he was saying: he has a key, he can use the key.

It made Robert sit up on the bed and start searching for his top until the sound stopped and whoever it was left. 

“They’re gone. Come back.”

“You wanted him to see us.” Robert said, with this wave of sadness suddenly. “Get you off the hook.”

“Off ... off what hook?” Aaron had tried, and Robert felt his insides harden against it all. “Robert, come back.”

“I can’t do this.” 

“I wouldn’t have lied.” Aaron said, and he probably thought it made him brave but it didn’t. “I would have let him come in and seen you here. I ...”

“That isn’t choosing me.” Robert had said, stumbled back against how much he felt. He never mentioned choosing before but the feeling was everywhere. “That’s letting someone make decisions _for_ you. So I can’t ... I can’t do this anymore.” He left then, in tears, half dressed. 

He convinced himself that he’d get over it all, by Christmas he’d be okay but then Aaron was Aaron and he was in love with him.

“I can’t lose you.” Aaron had said, days after pretending it didn’t hurt not to be near each other. He had his hands imprinted on Robert’s chest, heavy and strong and shaking. “Please Rob, please.” 

And Robert should have said choose me, leave him. But he didn’t, he let Aaron fall into his arms instead.

He’s looking down at him now, eyes blue and wide and gentle. This tightness in his chest comes out of nowhere.

“I’m here with you.” Aaron says again, strokes a hand over Robert’s collar bone lazily and then kisses his shoulder like he doesn’t want to do anything else other than spending time here.

Robert imagines tomorrow, Aaron in bed with Alex and having had a happy Christmas with each other. He can’t think of anything else. 

“Leave him Aaron.”

There’s this silence, it’s heavy and loud and makes Robert want the ground to swallow him up. He’s never asked him like this before, he’s tried, he’s tried so many times but it’s never come out so clear.

He doesn’t take it back. 

“Robert ...”

“Do you love him like you should?”

Aaron’s head rolls back slightly at the question and he breathes in. “You tell me what the _right_ way is?”

“Us.” The word just falls out, it sounds easy and lost all at the same time. “It’s me and you. It’s the way I ...” _Love you, need you, want you._

Aaron has a hand in his hair, covers hanging by his waist. “I don’t ...”

“You don’t want to choose.” Robert says. He breathes in deeply and then he swings himself over the bed, starts putting his jeans on. “I’ll do it for you.”

He’s strong, he’s so strong suddenly and he has to be.

“You should go.” Aaron’s face crumbles. He stares at him when he shouldn’t. “Go back to him, just go.” He just wants this tightness in his chest to stop.

“Robert, _please_.” He says please, says it with almost everything inside of him but Robert just shakes his head.

“You’re scared. You’re scared of this _just_ like I was but I’m not anymore. I know what I want. I want you and me outside of _this_.” He looks around the room. “But you don’t and I can’t do this anymore so just do me a favour and let me go.” It comes out without him even breathing, he’s rushing it out before he takes it back.

“I’m sorry.” Aaron’s voice is thick and sad and Robert wants to hate him but he can’t.

“Have a good Christmas.” Robert kicks his leg under the bed, pushes the present out and hands it to Aaron like it’s the last time he’ll ever be so close to him. There’s tears in his eyes that start rolling down his face when he hears Aaron gather his things and leaves. 

—

He goes to Vic’s for Christmas, she squeezes his arm and says that there’s something wrong with him and he should just say. But he doesn’t say a word. He sticks an apron on and hides in the kitchen whilst she snogs her boyfriend and they exchange presents.

“You’re not yourself.” Vic rarely sees him outside of Christmas and birthdays and it’s because she still refuses to move out of this pokey village. Yet she still looks at him like she knows he’s just had his heart broken.

He thinks he’s broken his own heart, he’s sure that if he didn’t say anything, Aaron might have popped round for an hour today and made it better. But that’s the point. He wants more.

“I’m fine. Not the biggest fan of Christmas, that’s all.” He would be, if Aaron was here. It would make having apaper hat on his head feel less stupid at least.

“Well I’m glad your here.” Vic says, smile strong and gentle and enough to make his chin wobble a little. He has her. He has all of her. So he gets halfway through dinner, head down and Ellis shouting about something on the telly.

The queen’s speech is on when there’s a knock at the door and Vic actually gets up to answer it. He’s in his own head but he hears her surprise.

“Oh.” Vic frowns. “Does he know you’re ... Rob?”

He stands, sees Aaron of all people standing at the door. He’s been crying, of course he has. His eyes are red and puffy and he moves from one foot to the other.

“Please. Two seconds.” Aaron’s almost crying now and Robert can’t say no to him. He grabs his coat and avoids Vic’s glare as he steps outside and sees that Aaron’s trying his hardest not to touch him.

“What is it?” Robert feels weird having Aaron so close to home, he doesn’t know what to do. 

“You.” Aaron blurts out.

“Alex at work?”

“Yeah.” Aaron frowns, Robert goes to turn around and Aaron grabs at his shoulders to turn him back around. “I ended it with him.”

Robert thinks he’s gone deaf. “You’re lying.”

“I’m not.” Aaron has tears in his eyes. His lips are cracked from the way he’s been biting down. “I said I was in love with someone else. I said I was ... I said I couldn’t be with him because I wanted to be with you.” He holds Robert’s jumper again like when they first kissed and it makes Robert’s head spin. “Because I _love_ you.”

He loves him, he loves him. He actually loves him.

“But ...”

Aaron’s eyes flicker. “You’re right. I was scared wasn’t I? I was scared ‘cause you weren’t meant to happen. But you did. You changed everything.”

Robert looks down. “What changed?”

Aaron frowns. “It hurt so much when you told me to go.” He frowns. “Your present.” He shakes his head. “No one knows me like you do.”

Robert’s cheeks reddening. “Just some tickets for some Rocky mara—“

“Alex thought I liked rocky horror.” Robert would laugh if there wasn’t tears in his eyes. Aaron comes forward, has a hand pressed flatly against Robert’s chest. “I’m yours.”

Robert looks down at him, has his forehead pressed against Aaron’s and he swoops down to kiss him. His hands clasp right around the back of Aaron’s neck and he feels like he’s in a dream or something. 

Aaron draws back, looks at the paper hat still on Robert’s head somehow. “Merry Christmas then?”

“It is now yeah.” Robert holds at Aaron’s hand, squeezes and tilts his head towards the cottage. Aaron pales under this nervousness and Robert squeezes harder. “She’ll love you.”

“I love you.” Aaron says it like he needs Robert to know, like now he’s not afraid anymore it’s all he can say. 

“I love you too.” Robert does, and he’s here and it’s everything. 

“I didn’t get you ...” Aaron says, stumped as they get through the door. 

“You’re here. It’s the best present ...”

“Sap.”

“Your sap.” Robert says; forgets that Vic is staring at them from the kitchen having heard every word.

“Yeah.” Aaron says seriously. “All yours.”

“Staying for dinner then?” Vic pokes her head out, Aaron nods slowly. He stays for this Christmas, Robert hopes he’ll stay for all the others.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
